Self-Esteem

I recently listened to a talk by John Bytheway entitled "What I wish I knew when I was single." In part of the talk, he spoke a little about the concept of self-esteem. He made one comment that kind of stood out to me. He said something about not really understanding what self-esteem was all about. That made me think and reflect on what I understand about that concept.

First off, like I often do, I decided to look up the definitions of both parts of that term, "self" and "esteem." I kind of like linguistics and the origins of words, so I thought that it might be interesting to see where each of them came from. Here's what I found.

es·teem

əˈstēm/

noun

noun: esteem

1. 1.

   respect and admiration, typically for a person.

   "he was held in high esteem by colleagues"

   synonyms:

   respect, admiration, acclaim, approbation, appreciation, favor,recognition, honor, reverence; More

verb

verb: esteem; 3rd person present: esteems; past tense: esteemed; past participle:esteemed; gerund or present participle: esteeming

1. 1.

   respect and admire.

   "many of these qualities are esteemed by managers"

   synonyms:

   respect, admire, value, regard, acclaim, appreciate, like, prize,treasure, favor, revere "such ceramics are highly esteemed"

   • formal

     consider; deem.

     "I should esteem it a favor if you could speak to them"

Origin

Middle English (as a noun in the sense ‘worth, reputation’): from Old French estime(noun), estimer (verb), from Latin aestimare ‘to estimate.’ The verb was originally in the Latin sense, also ‘appraise’ (compare with estimate), used figuratively to mean ‘assess the merit of.’ Current senses date from the 16th century.

self

self/

noun

noun: self; plural noun: selves

1. 1.

   a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.

   "our alienation from our true selves"

   synonyms:

   ego, I, oneself, persona, person, identity, character, personality, psyche, soul, spirit, mind, (inner) being "listen to your inner self"

   antonyms:

   other

   • a person's particular nature or personality; the qualities that make a person individual or unique.

     noun: one's self; plural noun: one's selfs

     "by the end of the round he was back to his old self"
   • one's own interests or pleasure.

     "to love in an unpossessive way implies the total surrender of self"

pronoun

pronoun: self

1. 1.

   oneself, in particular.

   • used ironically to refer in specified glowing terms to oneself or someone else.

     pronoun: selves

     "the only side worth supporting is your own sweet self"

adjective

adjective: self

1. 1.

   (of a trimming or cover) of the same material and color as the rest of the item.

   "a dress with self belt"

verb

BOTANY

verb: self; 3rd person present: selfs; past tense: selfed; past participle: selfed; gerund or present participle: selfing

1. 1.

   self-pollinate; self-fertilize.

   "the flowers never open and pollination is normally by selfing"

   • GENETICS

     cause (an animal or plant) to breed with or fertilize one of the same hybrid origin or strain.

     "progeny were derived from selfed crosses"

Origin

Old English, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch zelf and German selbe . Early use was emphatic, expressing the sense ‘(I) myself,’ ‘(he) himself,’ etc. The verb dates from the early 20th century.

self-

combining form

prefix: self-

1. of or directed toward oneself or itself.

   "self-hatred"

   • by one's own efforts; by its own action.

     "self-acting"
   • on, in, for, or relating to oneself or itself.

     "self-adhesive"

I was most interested by the origin of "esteem." It evidently comes from a Latin term meaning "to estimate." For me, that indicates that to esteem someone or something is to make an estimate or approximation of the value of that person or thing. I may have been influenced in this view by another talk that I recently listened to by Tyler J. Jarvis (a professor at BYU). In that talk he spoke about accepting imperfections in our lives and the lives of others. He said, "The realities of living in our limited, imperfect world mean that we have no choice but to make do with an approximation—to admit and accept imperfection." He didn't merely end with that acceptance, but encouraged seeking for the best approximations or solutions to our difficulties and then acting on those best approximations: "... admitting and accepting imperfection allows us to find imperfect but workable solutions to our personal and spiritual problems—but these solutions also require deep thought and hard work... It is not enough just to find our approximate answer to the problems. We must also act on that approximate, imperfect answer. This is hard because we know our answer is not perfect. That might scare you. It often scares me. But we cannot let our fear of imperfection, our fear of making a mistake, prevent us from acting on our best approximation."

In relating Brother Jarvis's view of imperfection to self-esteem, I believe that our own self-esteem is more useful when we think of it as our best approximation of our own value or worth. That approximation or estimation becomes more accurate as we learn who we really are and recognize that our current imperfections are temporary and do not decrease our Heavenly Father's perfect love for us. Because of that important fact, we should recognize that our value and worth are much more than we can estimate or approximate.

Which reminds me of another quote that I was recently reminded of. In The Lion King, the spirit of Mufasa tells Simba that he has forgotten who is is and then says, "You are more than what you have become... Remember who you are." In the MTC, we jokingly called those last four words "chapter one, verse one of the Book of Mufasa." They contain truth for all of us. No matter what we do, we are always more than we have become in our mortal experience. Our divine origin and potential should be the true reflection of our value and worth. Our self-esteem should not be based on anyone else's opinion, but should be planted firmly on our belief that we are children of a perfect Heavenly Father who loves us perfectly.